Why does God allow this?
Becoming comfortable with uncertainty
This post resurfaced in my X timeline today, and it struck me a little different this time.
Most of us wrestle with uncertainty in one way or another. As a scientist, I’m driven to unravel as much as possible about the material world—it brings real comfort to (think we) know we’ve pieced together at least some of the universe’s workings. Yet I prefer at least some sense of mystery. A little unknown keeps discovery exciting. Without it, what’s left to chase?
But when it comes to my Christian faith, uncertainty feels different—less tolerable. From the comments and questions that flood my social media, I’m not alone. Believers and skeptics alike often crave ironclad answers about God.
We can know a great deal about God—through His Word, the patterns of history, proper science, prayer, personal experience, and more. Yet, despite our efforts, we eventually slam into a wall. He’s the Creator of everything: a cosmos bursting with hundreds of billions of galaxies and at least one planet overflowing with intricate life. He is the source of existence itself. His thoughts and ways tower so far above ours that some mystery is inevitable.
I’m (mostly) at peace with God’s mysterious side when life feels steady. But in dark times—like right now—I’m more like Job. I want explanations. I want to know exactly what He’s doing.
As some of you know, I’ve fought cancer multiple times over the past 15 years. I was considered disease-free since 2019—until this January, when my cancer markers suddenly spiked and a subsequent CT scan showed a large tumor pressing on one of my adrenal glands.
Sigh.
Back in the ring—for the fourth time.
I’m exhausted by it. Over a recent birthday lunch with a devoted sister in Christ—a friend who’s walked with me since before that first diagnosis in 2011—she admitted she’s wondering the same thing: What is God up to?
Unlike my earlier battles, I don’t sense His presence right now. In fact, I’ve rarely felt this alone.
Why is God allowing this—again? The question doesn’t consume me, but it surfaces, especially late at night. I have a young daughter, and my mind is always on her—her future, her heart, and in my most weary moments, whether she’ll still have a mom to raise and love her.
Why does God permit this kind of suffering—and far worse?
I don’t know. I may never know.
If ever there was a moment to embrace uncertainty, this is it.
Christians, in general, need to grow comfortable with not understanding everything about God. Scripture itself points us there.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts. —Isaiah 55:8-9
He gives us enough in Scripture—about Himself, about our condition—to trust Him deeply. The rest—whether we like it or not—requires faith.
Job learned this the hard way, only after God revealed the vastness of His power and wisdom.
Then Job replied to the Lord:
‘I know that you can do all things;
no purpose of yours can be thwarted.
You asked, “Who is this that obscures my plans without knowledge?”
Surely I spoke of things I did not understand,
things too wonderful for me to know.’” —Job 42:2-3
In that moment of awe and humility, Job laid down his demand for full understanding and embraced trust in God’s sovereign ways. This same posture of humble reliance echoes through Scripture centuries later, as Solomon offers us the practical key to living by faith when answers remain out of reach:
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. —Proverbs 3:5-6
How do we trust in the Lord this way? Again, scripture guides us: true peace comes when we approach Him like little children approach a perfect, loving Father—trusting His will, even when everything feels wrong.
People were bringing little children to Jesus for him to place his hands on them, but the disciples rebuked them. When Jesus saw this, he was indignant. He said to them, ‘Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.’ And he took the children in his arms, placed his hands on them and blessed them. —Mark 10:13-16
Comfort with uncertainty comes most naturally when we rest in the One who holds the universe—and our fragile lives—in the palm of His hand. Admittedly, I struggle with this, and it may be partly the reason God allows my trials to continue.
If you’re walking through your own uncertainty right now—whether it’s health, loss, doubt, or something else—you’re not alone. I’d love to hear from you in the comments: What helps you trust when answers don’t come? Or if you just need to share, you’re welcome to do so.
I’m writing this on Saturday. By the time you read it on Wednesday, I’ll be one day post-surgery and (hopefully) recovering in the hospital. Thank you for reading, for praying, for being here. Your support means more than words can say.
Hi Sarah! I just finished reading your article and, wow, it really hit me hard. I've been wrestling with my faith for a while now.. I'm not giving up, but doubts do creep in every now and then.
I know this might not be the comment you were expecting, but I needed to get it off my chest. Right now, I'm feeling pretty low and uncertain.
Let me share a bit about my background. I was born in '96 in a refugee camp in Congo (DRC), and that same year, my parents moved back to Rwanda to start fresh after the genocide and wars in the region.
It was tough for my mom; she lost a son during that horrific time and soon after lost another, leaving me with one brother and one sister.
Things took a turn when I was around 12. My mom found out my dad had another woman, and by the time I was 14, he left us.
I found faith at 15, right before I finished high school. That year was a game changer, though.. it was also when my mom told me she had been living with HIV, along with my older brother (born with it) and my dad. It finally made sense why they had been so unhealthy.
My mom did her best to take care of us, even when my brother struggled with depression (he once left me a goodbye note.)
By God's grace, I graduated high school and got into medical school, but sadly, I didn't receive gvt sponsorship. My mom took a huge risk, sold some property, and sent me to med school. I was determined to study hard, thinking this was my opportunity to gain skills to take care of my family one day.
But every year, tuition kept going up, and by my final year (2019), my mom couldn’t support me anymore. I searched for other sponsorships but had no luck.
This sudden stop hit me hard, I fell into depression and questioned God. During my time of faith, from 2012 until that moment, I was involved in church, prayed a lot, dedicating myself.. I was a model for many of my peers.
When my studies ended, I felt betrayed by God and stopped going to church and reading the Bible. I used to think, “How can I follow a God who seems so uncaring?”
It wasn’t until after a failed suicide attempt that I started to process everything that had happened, and then COVID hit. My siblings also faced their struggles, my brother dropped out of uni (due to his illness), and my sis couldn’t finish high school for various reasons, including tuition.
Fast forward to today, I’ve accepted that my career was cut short before it really even started. In 2021, I moved to a rough area to try to start anew. I prayed about it and thought it was the best move for my family. I got a job, but it only lasted a couple of months.
Life has been incredibly tough since then. There have been countless days where I went two, three, or four days without eating, and I often faced eviction threats. But somehow, I endured.
Lately, though, I’m feeling really worn out. Nothing seems to improve. I had hoped that accepting I couldn’t go back to medicine meant God had a different plan for me, but my life feels stagnant, and things seem to be getting worse. I can barely support myself, let alone my family, who are also struggling.
My sister abandoned her faith after seeing what I went through, and my brother never believed in God, he thinks if God exists, He must be cruel.
I’ve tried so many things, but nothing is working out. I just turned 30 this month, and my mom hopes for grandkids from me. But with my current situation, how could I even think about dating? I don’t want to bring anyone into this mess.
Sometimes I feel hopeless and I ask God why this is happening. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve foolishly wished and prayed I could just be taken away.
Yet, in the midst of all this, I still cling to my faith. I truly believe in Jesus. There have been moments when I've felt like God doesn’t love me anymore, or that He doesn’t care about my struggles.
You might wonder why I still follow God despite everything. It's simple, deep down, I know He is real. I’ve read some apologetics that really helped reinforce my faith.
I’m not asking for pity here, I just wanted to share that your words really resonated with me.
Even if I can’t understand why things are as they are, I’ll hold onto my belief. I know there’s goodness ahead, and it surpasses the pain I’m experiencing now.
I say this knowing I could lose my mom and brother at any time, and that I feel trapped in my current situation. But still, I will die a believer.
So, my sister in Christ, I get it, it’s really hard. You might have a ton of questions about why things happen, but keep believing. The goodness that lies ahead far outweighs our current struggles.
I’ll be praying for you. Take care!
First of all, praying for your recovery! Thanks for sharing & being vulnerable with your struggle. If nothing else, it’s a testimony of your faith. I know many are praying for you already!
Prov 3:5-6 has been a bedrock go-to for me & my wife for 54 years. It IS childlike faith that we need when we don’t understand the “why” or know “how” to move forward.
I’ve found that faith is simply moving forward in trust even when things are unclear, uncertain, or plain confusing.
Doc, you have a solid testimony already, you know your eternal destiny & you’ve suffered a lot & continue to press forward by faith.
Your life is a testimony all its own. May you know God’s peace & healing, amen!