The Objective Man

A meditation on epistemology

“It’s hot,” said Calvin.
“It’s cold,” said Evelyn.
“It’s twenty degrees centigrade,” said Matthew.

“It’s late,” said Calvin.
“It’s early,” said Evelyn.
“It’s nine o’clock in the evening,” said Matthew.

“This book is long,” said Calvin.
“This book is short,” said Evelyn.
“This book is five hundred and twenty-eight pages long,” said Matthew.

“This tastes good,” said Calvin.
“This tastes bad,” said Evelyn.
“This tastes like ham,” said Matthew.

“I love this movie,” said Calvin.
“I hate this movie,” said Evelyn.
“This is a movie about a boy and a girl,” said Matthew.

“Those stars are beautiful,” said Calvin.
“Those stars are lonesome,” said Evelyn.
“Those stars are 1500 light-years away,” said Matthew.

“What that man did was wrong,” said Calvin.
“What that man did was right,” said Evelyn.
“That man hit the other man in the face,” said Matthew.

“Dark matter explains why this galaxy rotates so fast,” said Calvin.
“Modified Newtonian dynamics explains why this galaxy rotates so fast,” said Evelyn.
“This galaxy has a constant rate of rotation,” said Matthew.

“I love you,” said Calvin.
“My feelings for you are complicated,” said Evelyn.
“You are people with whom I am acquainted,” said Matthew.

“This story is truth,” said Calvin.
“This story is myth,” said Evelyn.
“This story is about people who lived a long time ago,” said Matthew.

“God created the universe,” said Calvin.
“The multiverse produced the universe,” said Evelyn.
“The universe exists,” said Matthew.

“I think, therefore I am,” said Calvin.
“It thinks,” said Evelyn.
“Thought is occurring,” said Matthew.

“To be is to be perceived,” said Calvin.
“Only the material exists,” said Evelyn.
Matthew said nothing.