How (not) to lose your Christian kids to the world

It's harder than ever, but there's hope

The most pressing question I hear from Christian parents is how to raise Christian children who become Christian adults. Most advice on how to do this sounds reasonable, if a bit pat: Model authentic faith. Cultivate a loving relationship. Disciple them. Connect them with role models and youth groups.

All of this is necessary, but is it sufficient? Given the statistics, I don’t think so.

You can do all of those things and still lose your children to the world once they become adults (and often before). I know many devoted, church-going parents who have no idea how they managed, despite their best efforts, to produce non-believing adult children. I’ve interacted with countless atheists on social media who were raised Christian and walked away from faith at a young age, many before their parents even realized. The statistics bear this out: Young people in America are leaving Christianity in record numbers.

I may lose some subscribers with this one, but it’s too important not to address. Let’s talk about why this happens and how to prevent it.

Here are the best ways to ensure your Christian kids become secular adults:

1. Don’t teach them why they believe what they believe.

2. Try to accommodate worldly values.

3. Fail to stick to your principles in tough times.

So, how do you avoid this? Simple: Do the opposite.

Teach your kids why they believe what they believe

Going to church every Sunday is not enough. Weekly Bible readings and devotionals are not enough. Youth group is not enough. The world is eager to turn your kids away from their faith, and they need more than vibes and testimonies to protect them.

Twenty years ago, as a newly-minted Christian flush with the enthusiasm of conversion, I approached several churches in my city hoping to establish a working relationship as a “consulting scientist.” I was still a graduate student, and eager to share how modern science complements and supports Christian beliefs (and vice-versa). I sent dozens of letters to churches all over the city. Not a single response. I pivoted to in-person visits, approaching youth pastors after services. I got one of two reactions: deer in the headlights or abject fear.

This is one aspect of a larger problem: Christian kids know how to respond to questions like “Who is Jesus?” or “What did He do for us?” but most of them can’t tell you why they believe any of it. They can tell you Jesus is in their hearts, but they can’t defend serious questions like: How do you know God created the universe when science explains its origin? Why do you believe Jesus rose from the dead when that’s impossible? Where is God when bad things happen to good people?

If young Christians only encountered other believers, this might not be much of an issue. But they live in a world full of other religions and an increasing number of non-believers. If you send them to university, they will encounter serious challenges to their beliefs. Once they get on social media, they’ll face a tidal wave of objections—everything from the utterly moronic to the highly sophisticated. This deluge can wear down even the most committed Christian unless they are prepared. As Paul wrote in Ephesians 6, we need the full armor of God—and that includes knowing why we believe what we believe.

Very young Christians only need the basics—this is the Grammar phase of the classical education model, focused on memorization of facts: Bible stories, key doctrines, catechism answers, and Scripture. But once Christian kids are old enough—right around the Logic phase (middle school)—you can begin teaching them the “why.” This is where they start analyzing evidence, reasoning through objections, spotting logical fallacies, comparing worldviews, and building basic arguments. Anyone who’s parented a middle-schooler knows they’re natural lawyers. Why not channel that energy into discipling them in reason and evidence?

Then, in the Rhetoric phase (high school), they learn to express and defend their faith persuasively in conversations, writing, and real-world encounters—turning knowledge and logic into confident, winsome advocacy. This prepares them not only against external attacks, but against internal doubts as well.

There are a ton of resources out there to help you with all of this, which I list at the end of this article.

Resist worldly values

Every week I drive past a mainline Protestant church that features some worldly virtue-signaling slogan of the week on its marquee. Despite its location across the street from a vibrant university, it has all the appearance of a tired, barely-surviving church with a dwindling membership of a few dozen middle-aged or older people.

I’ve had staunch atheists tell me churches need to be more accommodating of worldly values to attract young people. But is this true? Even without statistics or seeing the tired woke church, this struck me as absurd—like advising a struggling fitness center to install a fast-food restaurant inside to attract more customers. All it does is signal you’re not serious about what you claim to offer.

Sociologist Ryan Burge has documented the depressing reality of how membership in mainline Protestant denominations has cratered. I know this story firsthand: I was baptized in the ELCA twenty years ago and initially loved it. But it quickly became apparent that the denomination was falling to the world, choosing to align itself more and more with secular values instead of standing firm on biblical truth. In the late 1950s, about half of all Americans belonged to a mainline congregation. Today it’s under 10%, with just 2% of adults under 40 identifying as mainline. Many of these denominations have lost a third or more of their members since the 1970s. Meanwhile, more serious, non-denominational Bible churches and conservative groups are maintaining or even growing their share, with non-denominational Christians now making up about 15% of American adults.

The truth is, strict religions succeed, mushy ones don’t. As a Star Wars nerd, I appreciated this deep dive on Mandalorian culture—specifically the strict “Children of the Watch” faction Mando belongs to—and how it relates to real-world religions. After the devastation of their home world, this group survived by doubling down on the old ways: never removing their helmets, adopting foundlings as true children, and constantly reinforcing “This is the way.” Scholars of religion show that high-demand groups like this survive by filtering out uncommitted people, creating powerful solidarity through costly practices (what they call “credibility-enhancing displays”), and building fictive kinship that treats adopted members as real family. For centuries, that described most Christian churches in the West. Today, it’s the same dynamic you see with the Amish, whose population in North America continues to double roughly every 20 years thanks to their strict practices and high commitment. These mechanisms help strict communities survive catastrophe and pass their beliefs on across generations, while loose, accommodating groups tend to fade away.

Teach your kids that they’re in the world, not of it. That doesn’t mean they can’t love those who are mired in the world—quite the opposite. They should share the gospel with those who need it most. But just as physicians don’t make themselves ill to be more relatable to patients, Christians shouldn’t conform to the world to be more relatable to unbelievers. They can guide with love, but live within biblical morality. The stricter a church (within reason), the more likely its members are to remain.

Stick to your principles

Someone once told me, kids under pressure don’t rise to the level of what you lectured them about—they sink to the level of what they learned from watching you. If you’re like me, that made you wince a little.

It’s easy to model Christ-like virtues when things are going your way; but when life presents serious challenges, it can seem impossible. This is where real discipleship happens. If you’re tempted to take the easy way out, think about what that’s teaching your children. Do you gossip about the “losers” in your life or lapse into despair when something goes sideways? Do you snap when you’re impatient or curse in traffic while your kids are in the backseat? Your daily reactions are teaching them far more about Christian ethics than any sermon or youth group lesson on what a wonderful model Jesus was. (In case this sounds preachy: I’m talking to myself as much as to you.)

Conclusion

This is the best model I’ve seen for how to raise Christian kids who become Christian adults: disciple them to know why they believe what they believe, stay true to their beliefs, and live it out daily. It’s not foolproof—some will still be lured away by pleasure, politics, or pain no matter what their parents do—but this approach gives them the best defense against a world eager to pull them from Christ.

The battle is real, but so is the hope. Equip them with truth, surround them with a committed community, and live out your beliefs daily. That’s how we raise the next generation of faithful Christians.

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Resources for middle schoolers

This is when kids naturally question everything. Channel that energy into learning why Christianity is true through evidence, logic, and basic arguments.

• J. Warner Wallace’s “For Kids” Series (Cold-Case Christianity for Kids, God’s Crime Scene for Kids, Forensic Faith for Kids): Former cold-case detective Wallace (with Susie Wallace) turns apologetics into an exciting investigation. Kids learn to examine evidence for the Gospels, creation, and sharing faith like detectives. Includes activities and online Case Makers Academy resources (videos, certificates). Perfect for engaging middle schoolers who love mysteries.

• William Lane Craig – On Guard for Students (or the adult On Guard with parent guidance): Covers key arguments for God’s existence, the resurrection, and objections like the problem of evil. Short chapters, illustrations, and discussion questions. Pair with the free animated Zangmeister videos for accessibility. Excellent for building logical reasoning skills.

• Natasha Crain’s Books* (Keeping Your Kids on God’s Side, Talking with Your Kids about God, Talking with Your Kids about Jesus): These provide 30–40 ready-made conversation guides on science/faith, Jesus, evil, other religions, and more. Written directly for parents to discuss with kids—highly practical and culturally relevant.

• Lee Strobel’s “For Kids” Series (The Case for Christ for Kids, The Case for Faith for Kids, etc.): Journalistic investigations into the evidence for Christianity. Kid-friendly versions of his bestselling adult books.

• Mama Bear Apologetics (Mama Bear Apologetics book and study guide): Helps parents address cultural lies (identity, relativism, etc.) with biblical responses and practical talking points for middle schoolers.

• Summit Ministries’ Lightbearers Curriculum*: Video-based worldview program comparing Christianity to other worldviews. Designed specifically for 8th grade / middle school.

• The Apologetics Study Bible for Students: Full Bible with notes, articles, and answers to over 130 common student questions.

*I haven’t personally checked these out, but have heard good things. Other highly recommended options I haven’t personally checked out: Foundation Worldview Curriculum, Apologia’s What We Believe series, and The Defense Never Rests workbook (based on Craig).

Resources for high schoolers

Teens now refine their ability to articulate and persuasively defend their faith in writing, speech, debate, and real-world conversations.

• Lee Strobel - The Case for Christ: A former atheist and award-winning journalist investigates the historical evidence for Jesus’ life, death, and resurrection using interviews with leading scholars. Highly readable, evidence-based, and excellent for teens learning how to examine and defend the core claims of Christianity.

• William Lane Craig – Reasonable Faith: More advanced treatment of the core arguments. Great for motivated high schoolers preparing for college challenges.

• J. Warner Wallace – Cold-Case Christianity, God’s Crime Scene, and Forensic Faith (adult versions): Builds directly on the kids’ series with deeper investigation techniques.

• Frank Turek & Norman Geisler – I Don’t Have Enough Faith to Be an Atheist: Comprehensive, logical defense of Christianity. Popular for teens and often used in high school apologetics classes.

• C.S. Lewis – Mere Christianity: Classic, winsome explanation of Christian beliefs. Timeless for teaching clear, persuasive articulation. (I also recommend Lewis’ The Great Divorce—teens will resonate with the fanciful, if theologically heavy, presentation.)

• Nancy Pearcey – Total Truth: Helps teens understand and critique worldviews, integrating faith with all of life.

• Sean McDowell Resources: Books, videos, and conferences focused on student-level apologetics and worldview.

• Summit Ministries Student Conferences*: Multi-day worldview and apologetics training camps (ages 16+). Highly recommended transformative experiences.

• Reality Student Apologetics Conferences*: Weekend events with leading apologists tailored for high school students.

*I haven’t personally checked these out, but they come recommended.

Additional excellent choices: How to Stay Christian in College by J. Budziszewski; The Reason for God by Tim Keller; Finding Truth and The Soul of Science (with Charles Thaxton) by Nancy Pearcey.

Recommendation: Start with parent-led conversation books (Crain, Mama Bear) in middle school, then move to deeper reading and conferences in high school. Combine books with discussion, videos, and real-world practice. Many of these have free online companions, videos, and curricula that make them homeschool- or family-friendly.

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