Me too, would love to hear about that. Got baptized last year and credit Dante’s Inferno (and a podcast featuring Phil Stutz—a Jewish psychiatrist) for the big push.
Excellent piece; thank you for sharing your experience so openly. Now I'm confronted with a quandary: do I share this with some atheists I know or keep it from them? 😉 As I was reading it I was a little worried for a while, but then you brought in grace at the end. Thank God for grace! We all need it, every day.
That was my quandary about writing this--are seekers going to be discouraged by it? Hopefully not. But I also struggled after my conversion, because I'd only ever heard "My whole life is amazing now!" kind of conversion stories and felt like I'd done something wrong. It might've helped me to know it can be a difficult walk.
Maybe it's like childbirth. People tell you what to expect and then you're upset that, "No one told me it would be THIS HARD!" It just is what it is, and nothing can prepare you. But like on the other side of childbirth, neither would you give it up for anything in the world.
Just a meager, earthly metaphor for something heavenly that is beyond words.
Jesus seemed to be up front about telling people to count the cost of following him before they made the commitment. Although most of the time he just said "Follow me" and they did.
Thank you for writing this! I want to encourage you in that the things you’ve encountered are all things of a fallen world, they are not of God. God’s timing is perfect, so consider that this isn’t an attacked, maybe they would have happened even without your conversion. But with God you have peace, faith, hope and love to see you through. Many prayers sister!
As a non-believer myself, I think it depends on what you mean by ‘atheists’.
If these are people who’ve never really thought about religion — atheists-by-default — then the article might be valuable to them.
If these are people who have chosen, on the strengths of the arguments (or lack thereof) to live life on the assumption gods and goddesses do not exist, then I wouldn’t bother. The article mentions Lee Strobel pretty early on, who doesn’t have the best reputation outside of Christian apologetics (atheists will just roll their eyes at his name), and a lot of the article is apologetic arguments atheists-by-choice will already be very familiar with thanks commentaries by people like C.S. Lewis.
Ask your atheist friends whether they’ve read ‘The Demon-Haunted World’ by Carl Sagan — if there answer is ‘yes’ (or they are familiar with its contents), there’s a good chance they are atheist-by-choice. The book is a popular choice, even through it barely mentions religion.
If the answer is ‘no’, then there’s a good possibility they are atheists-by-default (or haven’t really explored too much counter-apologetics), and the article may have more impact.
I appreciate your honesty here. I think more people need to say that when you begin to follow Jesus your life is about to get "infinitely more complicated." Easy-believism does a lot of damage. Thanks for writing.
Sarah, this post resonated with me, as I am sure you can imagine. I experienced much of the same difficulties you describe, as I also began to consider the reality of God coming from my atheist family background, and devoting my life to science. But when I hit that wall, that sense that life might not get any easier (in fact much harder in some ways) I resisted, and decided, "OK, maybe God is real, but I just can't go there. It's too hard". Time went by. I sometimes visited a church, I glanced though scripture, and that's all. And then the Holy Spirit had mercy, and dragged me across the threshold of deep belief with dreams and visions. And everything changed. I couldnt have done what you did without that. I felt all the joy in the world when I was literally born again, and felt much the same at my baptism. And even though life has not changed that much, I wake up each day with a sense of joy at the grace and mercy of the Lord.
Like a small farmer, then: the work is never really done; and there is always some project that should be pursued, if time and tools and supplies were sufficient.
This was so good. My 6th brutally honest point would be the question that always seems to pop up after falling back to an old idol, "When am I gonna get it right?"
You mentioned CS Lewis in the excellent piece. One way you mirrored his conversation was that it started for him by an acceptance of Theism. He said in his book Surprised by Joy all the rest flowed logically from that moment.
This is testimony to Jesus saying "count the cost" before committing. I had a very different background than yours, raised in the church, but finding and following Jesus has comparably made my life more difficult in some ways. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
I was raised in a Christian family and accepted Christ at a VERY young age. You were real so I'm going to be real. There are times I wish I could feel the release that you felt, that people feel who are adults when they give their life to Christ. Sometimes it feels like I'd understand His grace more if I'd been there, instead of a 10 yo who found His grace at a very early age. Here I am in my mid-50s going through (arguably) the mid-life crisis thing, believing fully, unabashedly in the Grace of Jesus and God, but thinking I'm missing a true sense of forgiveness that comes for people who convert later in life. Am I alone in this? Sarah, any thoughts? I'd love your input!
My husband is like you - a lifelong Christian. I am a dragged out of the gutter Christian. We each bring a different experience to our marriage, and God uses both.
The difference between our lived faith is real and sometimes very obvious in my deep emotional gratitude, with tears and profound joy for being redeemed from a life he never had to experience, compared to his quieter but abiding, deep lifelong faith. God has used both to further our understanding of a lived Christian life and the mysteries of His word, using our different backgrounds to help us each grow together where we needed to. We compliment each other.
There is not one "better" way to faith. God uses each person and their experience with Him uniquely to grow His kingdom. From a former "gutter" dweller, I assure you your calling as a child is a great blessing. 😊
I really appreciate you sharing this. It resonated with me on many levels. It was refreshing to hear your experience and not some “come to Jesus and all will be rosey”.
As a pastor, I appreciate this piece a lot & hope it will be included in your upcoming book. I’ve taught, preached & written a lot on this very issue of the genuine, ongoing struggle of walking the way of the cross. An excellent, short but powerful book that I reread every so often (cuz it’s so convicting 😆) is “The Calvary Road” by Roy Hession.
Excellent, Sarah. To first encounter Christianity as an adult may be an advantage in that you didn’t have a lot of “baggage” left over from being “dropped off” at Sunday School as a child by unbelieving parents, (or by being raised by “formulaic religious” parents).
So many of my otherwise very intelligent friends use that experience as a reason to reject Christianity. (Yes, I know that a positive childhood experience was significant in the spiritual journey for many…but the opposite is still very true.)
We are all blessed by your journey and honesty, W.
If you haven’t written about it before, I’d love to read about your experience with The Count of Monte Cristo.
Good idea.
Me too, would love to hear about that. Got baptized last year and credit Dante’s Inferno (and a podcast featuring Phil Stutz—a Jewish psychiatrist) for the big push.
May I respectfully ask: what of Dante’s Inferno was the essence for the big push?
Same!
My favorite video is 1998 Gérard Depardieu version in French with English subtitles
Yes please!
Excellent piece; thank you for sharing your experience so openly. Now I'm confronted with a quandary: do I share this with some atheists I know or keep it from them? 😉 As I was reading it I was a little worried for a while, but then you brought in grace at the end. Thank God for grace! We all need it, every day.
That was my quandary about writing this--are seekers going to be discouraged by it? Hopefully not. But I also struggled after my conversion, because I'd only ever heard "My whole life is amazing now!" kind of conversion stories and felt like I'd done something wrong. It might've helped me to know it can be a difficult walk.
Maybe it's like childbirth. People tell you what to expect and then you're upset that, "No one told me it would be THIS HARD!" It just is what it is, and nothing can prepare you. But like on the other side of childbirth, neither would you give it up for anything in the world.
Just a meager, earthly metaphor for something heavenly that is beyond words.
Jesus seemed to be up front about telling people to count the cost of following him before they made the commitment. Although most of the time he just said "Follow me" and they did.
Thank you for writing this! I want to encourage you in that the things you’ve encountered are all things of a fallen world, they are not of God. God’s timing is perfect, so consider that this isn’t an attacked, maybe they would have happened even without your conversion. But with God you have peace, faith, hope and love to see you through. Many prayers sister!
As a non-believer myself, I think it depends on what you mean by ‘atheists’.
If these are people who’ve never really thought about religion — atheists-by-default — then the article might be valuable to them.
If these are people who have chosen, on the strengths of the arguments (or lack thereof) to live life on the assumption gods and goddesses do not exist, then I wouldn’t bother. The article mentions Lee Strobel pretty early on, who doesn’t have the best reputation outside of Christian apologetics (atheists will just roll their eyes at his name), and a lot of the article is apologetic arguments atheists-by-choice will already be very familiar with thanks commentaries by people like C.S. Lewis.
Ask your atheist friends whether they’ve read ‘The Demon-Haunted World’ by Carl Sagan — if there answer is ‘yes’ (or they are familiar with its contents), there’s a good chance they are atheist-by-choice. The book is a popular choice, even through it barely mentions religion.
If the answer is ‘no’, then there’s a good possibility they are atheists-by-default (or haven’t really explored too much counter-apologetics), and the article may have more impact.
Hope that helps. Good luck. 😉
I appreciate your honesty here. I think more people need to say that when you begin to follow Jesus your life is about to get "infinitely more complicated." Easy-believism does a lot of damage. Thanks for writing.
Sarah, this post resonated with me, as I am sure you can imagine. I experienced much of the same difficulties you describe, as I also began to consider the reality of God coming from my atheist family background, and devoting my life to science. But when I hit that wall, that sense that life might not get any easier (in fact much harder in some ways) I resisted, and decided, "OK, maybe God is real, but I just can't go there. It's too hard". Time went by. I sometimes visited a church, I glanced though scripture, and that's all. And then the Holy Spirit had mercy, and dragged me across the threshold of deep belief with dreams and visions. And everything changed. I couldnt have done what you did without that. I felt all the joy in the world when I was literally born again, and felt much the same at my baptism. And even though life has not changed that much, I wake up each day with a sense of joy at the grace and mercy of the Lord.
I do hear testimonies like this and it's encouraging. I'm glad it's more joyful for some people.
Like a small farmer, then: the work is never really done; and there is always some project that should be pursued, if time and tools and supplies were sufficient.
This was so good. My 6th brutally honest point would be the question that always seems to pop up after falling back to an old idol, "When am I gonna get it right?"
Yeah, building a stairway to Heaven isn't easy, it's a lifelong and laborious project.
You mentioned CS Lewis in the excellent piece. One way you mirrored his conversation was that it started for him by an acceptance of Theism. He said in his book Surprised by Joy all the rest flowed logically from that moment.
This is testimony to Jesus saying "count the cost" before committing. I had a very different background than yours, raised in the church, but finding and following Jesus has comparably made my life more difficult in some ways. But I wouldn't change it for anything.
Thank you for sharing honestly.
I was raised in a Christian family and accepted Christ at a VERY young age. You were real so I'm going to be real. There are times I wish I could feel the release that you felt, that people feel who are adults when they give their life to Christ. Sometimes it feels like I'd understand His grace more if I'd been there, instead of a 10 yo who found His grace at a very early age. Here I am in my mid-50s going through (arguably) the mid-life crisis thing, believing fully, unabashedly in the Grace of Jesus and God, but thinking I'm missing a true sense of forgiveness that comes for people who convert later in life. Am I alone in this? Sarah, any thoughts? I'd love your input!
I got the feeling of release when I realized God is real, but I didn't get that feeling when I was baptized. It was kind of the opposite.
My husband is like you - a lifelong Christian. I am a dragged out of the gutter Christian. We each bring a different experience to our marriage, and God uses both.
The difference between our lived faith is real and sometimes very obvious in my deep emotional gratitude, with tears and profound joy for being redeemed from a life he never had to experience, compared to his quieter but abiding, deep lifelong faith. God has used both to further our understanding of a lived Christian life and the mysteries of His word, using our different backgrounds to help us each grow together where we needed to. We compliment each other.
There is not one "better" way to faith. God uses each person and their experience with Him uniquely to grow His kingdom. From a former "gutter" dweller, I assure you your calling as a child is a great blessing. 😊
I really appreciate you sharing this. It resonated with me on many levels. It was refreshing to hear your experience and not some “come to Jesus and all will be rosey”.
Great “in house” topic and candor. Far too often, “we” fake it and paint a rosy picture for onlookers.
The more time that passes, the harder it is to keep up the persona. And the desire to do so begins to erode—the work of the Holy Spirit.
As a pastor, I appreciate this piece a lot & hope it will be included in your upcoming book. I’ve taught, preached & written a lot on this very issue of the genuine, ongoing struggle of walking the way of the cross. An excellent, short but powerful book that I reread every so often (cuz it’s so convicting 😆) is “The Calvary Road” by Roy Hession.
I love this!
Excellent, Sarah. To first encounter Christianity as an adult may be an advantage in that you didn’t have a lot of “baggage” left over from being “dropped off” at Sunday School as a child by unbelieving parents, (or by being raised by “formulaic religious” parents).
So many of my otherwise very intelligent friends use that experience as a reason to reject Christianity. (Yes, I know that a positive childhood experience was significant in the spiritual journey for many…but the opposite is still very true.)
We are all blessed by your journey and honesty, W.